9/3/2026
1:42pm -the more you know
I just learned I can actually take a dick! Still a virgin- I bought my first dildo online and had some fun with it! The main reason I bought it, infact, was not only for pleasure, also for practice; I wanted to make sure that when the time comes I know I can take it! And what was interesting too, was that unlike when I put on my miniskirts and heels and dressup, when I was riding my toy I didn't feel disguted of myself afterwards, and I even felt like myself while I was doing it! Unlike most cases where I feel like a different person.
8/29/2026
1:40am -resolve and butts lol
Remember when I talked about the horrible outing I went on at Fremont Street? Where I dressed like a prostitute and walked around with my ass out? It seems now that that experience managed to help me break my porn addiction, at least temporarily. I have haven't masterbated or looked at porn for the last 2 days since then and it feels so strange; mainly because when I dress up in my room wearing a miniskirt with my lil ass out and my body is freshly shaved, it's almost an irresistable temptation to masterbate/goon off that happens shortly after. And don't get me wrong, I'm still deeply ashamed of it and would never even think to do that ever again, but in a very strange way, it made me realize love my body more than I ever did before. I think because of how embarassing/humiliating it is for a twink to go out looking like he's starving for some cock; I was just so desparate for someone to see me at my most shameful that I ignored my dignity and hurt myself deeply.
That said, I have chosen to live a life of forgiveness and I have moved passed it. All day today, I've been dressed up in my grey miniskirt and heels feeling amazing. As much as I wanna believe the heels possessed me somehow, it was really just my own erotic troubles and being unable to control it. I've gone the day without needing to look at porn and masterbate. Not that I didn't get hard, because that hasnt changed, but I believe i'm developing self-restraint and now I can finally enjoy the beauty of my body without disgracing myself or losing sight of who I am in the process!
8/26/2026
6:00pm -demonic high-heels
So a few days ago I bought a pair of black gothic high-heels from savers. They were only $7, but I believe these shoes are possessed by some sort of succubus demon. I'm joking and playing, but since I started wearing them, I've been doing disgusting things that I can't believe I allowed myself to do. Last night, I spent over 3 hours wearing them and pretending to be a BDSM sex slave and was watching slave porn the whole time. And today, was actually worse, I went out to Fremont St wearing a pink mini-skirt and my ass was hanging out. I looked like a day hooker walking around looking for a hit. I was out showing off for about an hour; the whole time everyone was looking at me like a disgusted, ashamed parent. At the time, I was turned on by it, because my biggest turn on is public humiliation. I don't believe I would have ever done what I did today had I not been wearing those shoes.
That said, they are being kept in a closet until I figure out what to do with them. Those shoes have turned me into a filthy whore and it needs to stop. I can feel it growing in me, this urge to disgrace myself; I can fucking feel it. I'm worried it will get to the point to where I won't care anymore and it will ruin my life. More soon...
8/24/2026
9:01am -i'm ashamed to admit...
When I was 16, I met a guy at an airsoft park. The same guy in fact, that i've been talking about in my diary. Anyway, I had a long drive home from my parent's house; an hour that I spent recalling some very weird things that happened between me and this person. This guy was already pushing 30 by the time I met him at 16; and I learned later I wasn't the only highschool kid he was friends with, but that's another story.
Every memory I have with this guy was weird af, but I was not even 18 so I had no forethought about the fact that everytime I was with him he was doing weird shit. Example: the last time I hung out with him he tried indoctrinating me into the LGBT cult and convinced me I was "Asexual". More on that, he convinced me that we'd be warmer if we cuddled. -EWWW OMG EW!!!
As to not make this the longest entry in my diary, its pretty obvious to me NOW that he's a pedophile. WTF is a 30 year-old man doing running around with 16 year-old kids??? And for the record, I WAS essentially groomed, he really got me with his expensive cars, semi-successful rock band, and super high-tech film equipment. Fortunately I cut his freak-ass off before we made it to the "secrecy-shaming" stage. There's way more to tell than that, so maybe I'll do a video sometime, but that's all for now.
8/14/2026
12:46pm -GROSS WARNING
About 3 hours ago I had experienced the single worst case of diahrea in my life. I woke up and had that crappy feeling of what felt like gas buildup that was giving me those awful bowel cramps. I spent about 20 minutes trying to release gas any way I could; (farting, burping lmao). However, I came to realize my situation was quite dire, when I realized I had diahrrea. I then found myself on the toilet sounding like an angry woman giving birth as I tried as hard as I could to get something out of my asshole. I was pushing so fuckin hard but nothing. But I learned that if I stand up over the toilet, I could actually feel the shit moving downward inside me. So after standing for a solid 30 seconds, I sat back down and well shit i mean haha.. MY ASSHOLE BLEW UP. The most disgusting, repulsive, gut-wrenching chipotle soup was released into my toilet. At some point I accidentally looked into the toilet bowl and nearly vomited. And as if it couldn't get worse, the toilet got clogged; because I cannot look at shit and have a gag reflex, I proceeded to pace in a circle for 5 minutes, hyperventilating and freaking out. Fortunately I managed to break it up and flush it, But afterwards I passed out, out of exhaustion and just woke up. Pepto Bismol is a life saver.
